Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)
Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Location: Fortress Spanky
|Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 7:10 am Post subject: Geeky nerd, can't get burds Spanky is here to help.
|I've been helping my COD obsessed cousin get his first girlfriend (no I didn't give him money and point him to the docks) and since some of you younger guys spend too much time trying to digitally kill 12yo americans I thought I would spread the help.
1. Decide what kind of lady you like and set your standards, a pulse should never be the only criteria for a lady friend. At the same time don't set your standards too high page 3 models are very quick to press the stalker button, I should know.
2. Hide everything about yourself which women would find unattractive, yes its dishonest but we're men it's genetic. and perfectly ok as women tell porkies too.
3. Never settle for less than you think you can achieve, yes a personality is great but if she looks more butch than you do it's never going to work.
4. Women love men of action so never be afraid to put on a gun show whenever and wherever possible, if you have no guns to speak of explain this away by saying you've been in a coma for the last 3 years after getting knocked down by a bus while saving a nun.
5. Remember you're never officially committed to a lady if she hasn't met your mum so play the field don't narrow your options unless you only have one option but even then crack on you have options.
6. Have a car, ladies like a man who can get her down KFC for a bargain bucket, nobody likes to sit on the number 23 with a greasy bucket of chicken in their lap.
7. Show your sensitive side, for me this proves difficult so I've found borrowing your young niece or nephew and taking them to the playpark shows you give a crap about children, once a woman notices this tell them about all your charity work and how you help old people across the road (don't mention its by blasting the horn on your car to speed them up)
8. Pay for stuff, you have to speculate to accumulate so if your target likes a McFlurry get her one, down the line when she is on the hook start getting her to pay sometimes.
9. Never introduce her to your parents within the first 3 months, it can have one of two consequences, she can think you're serious about her or that you're too serious about her and you like to stand outside her window all night. Remain aloof it will confuse and bedazzle her, probably annoy her a bit as well but remember guys treat em mean get a slap.
10. Lastly remember that women have feelings and this means you can never be truthful to the following questions, have I gained weight, does my arse look big in this, you like my mum don't you, that day glo pink boob tube doesn't show off my muffin top too much does it, I was thinking about getting a tattoo on my lower back it'll look good wont it, do you think I should lose some weight, one more piece of fried chicken won't hurt will it.
Some of that stuff actually worked my cousin Stevie has a girlfriend now although my Aunt has asked me to stop giving him advice.