Mad Online Gaming
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister   ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12, 13, 14  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Mad Gaming Forums Forum Index -> ROFL
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

McCoy is at the ancestral home for the taking of the annual McCoy family Christmas Card. A logistical nightmare for the photographer as the McCoy family rarely ever appear together in any great numbers and when they do they fight.

McCoy: Come on Lichfield get a ruddy move on Grandma has to be back at the care home by 5 or one of us will have to deal with the unpleasantness that presents itself after 8 sherrys and a campari an soda.
Grandma: What's that you say Spanky
McCoy: I said we need to get you home by five Grandma.
Grandma: Yes I'm still alive you stupid boy
McCoy: Never mind old crone.
Photographer: Can I get Dame McCoy and the three children beside Sir McCoy
McCoy: Which one
Photographer: Which what
McCoy: Which Sir, father is a Sir, Uncle Cyril is one, cousin Aubrey, Great Uncle Nigel, the ball and chain is a Dame as is Mater and Grandma, Auntie Serena.....
Photographer: Right Sir Spanky McCoy you and the wife and kids at the front, your mother and father to your right, Grandma you sit in the wheelchair in front of Sir Spanky. The Lord Lucan lookalike you and your lady stand on the steps behind his parents all the cousins stand to their left, everyone shut up for a second and we'll take the damn photo.

Just as the photographer is about to take the photo the french window behind him shatters inwards with a horrendous explosion.

Grandma: Are the germans back?
McCoy: Grandma you are german.

Through the door comes a blonde haired man flanked by 6 commandos.

McCoy: Foulkes
Grandman: I'm far too old for all that business Spanky and your Grandfather is no longer with us.
McCoy: No it's our second cousin St John Foulkes Grandma, see. What do you want Sinjun.
Foulkes: We thought we'd get our photo taken with the family, then post it on the net and ask for £1billion in ransom.
Great Uncle Nigel: Wait on a mo old boy this isn't cricket.
Foulkes: All of you shouldn't have disowned me then Uncle Nigel.
McCoy: Look old bean we simply can't have a member of Greenpeace in the family it would be like The Cosbys having Nick Griffin as a lodger.
Foulkes: This family has exploited the planet long enough the £1 billion will pay to clean up a very small part of the mess you made. It will also fund my moderately lavish lifestyle in Goa as well.
McCoy: So that's what this is about you can't pay the rent in bloody Goa.
Grandma: I'm not going its not 5 yet.
Foulkes: Whats it going to be, the money or a dirt nap for the lot of you.
McCoy: There is one minor crimp in your plan old bean
Foulkes: Whats that dear cousin.
McCoy: Those special forces types.
Foulkes: What about them.
McCoy: Did you get them from Mercs4u.com
Foulkes: Yeah why
McCoy: I own that website, 2% of all booking fees go to sponsoring a panda by the way. That burly chap to your right is Mick and the guy to your left is Dazza and I'm willing to bet if I offer them twice what you are they'll take you outside and give you a damn good thrashing.
Mick: Yes we would.
Foulkes: Eeek
McCoy: Or alternatively you could come over here and be in the photo with Grandma and the rest of us and I'll give you the rent money for Goa.
Foulkes: You'd really let me be in the photo?.
McCoy: Yes I would

Two weeks later Bunsen and JawZ are opening their Christmas cards from McCoy.

JawZ: Check that who would think you get a lifesize pinata of a person for a Christmas Party.
Bunsen: I don't think that is a pinata
JawZ: How not
Bunsen: Pinatas don't bleed.

Will McCoy let his cousin go back to Goa in one packing crate or two
Will Bunsen stop shaking the card in the hope a cheque falls out
Will JawZ tell Bunsen he got a cheque.

Find out this and much more in the next martini swilling episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 11:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Twas the night before Christmas and hardly a henchman stirred at Spanky Hall. McCoy is sleeping in his armchair beside the open fire which is fuelled by burning US dollars and begging letters from the disadvantaged. A loud knock rings off his chamber door barely stirring him from his slumber, a louder knock and still McCoy doesn't stir from his drunken stupor. BANG the chamber door flies open and McCoy wakes with a start.

McCoy: Whozzat, who's there.

A ghostly figure floats through the door, his face ravaged by decay, covered in chains he floats over to the chair opposite from McCoy and sits down.

McCoy: My old friend and business partner Jacob Barley
Barley: That's me, how have you been Spanky old bean.
McCoy: Yeah not bad thanks, you?.
Barley: Dead these past seven years but other than that ticking along old bean.
McCoy: Dead you say.
Barley: You should know, you were the one who had me killed.
McCoy: Killed is such a definite word Jacob I prefer to think you were redistributed.
Barley: McCoy, the jig is up you've been picked for a visitation from the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future.
McCoy: Is that so, I'm willing to bet it's just a whole load of Brandy and a smidgen of night nurse brought on this here hallucination, why just yesterday I saw a great big pink va.....
Barley: Damn it McCoy listen up this is important, the three ghosts will visit and try to teach you a valuable lesson a lesson you will do well to heed to take you off this path of misery.
McCoy: Misery, I'm sound as a pound old bean.

Barley starts to disappear.

Barley: Heed my warning McCoy, wwwoooooo ooooooh ooooh wooooo.
McCoy: Yeah yeah, will do.

Will McCoy heed Barley
Will Dickens sue McCoy's ghost writer.
Will The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer be coming to a cinema near you in May 2011.

Find out some of that in the next Dickenstastic episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

McCoy is sat in his usual booth at the Runcorn Spearmint Rhino

McCoy: Where in blazes is my brandy and the busty strumpet who is carrying it between her knockers. Hello, service please, damn well kept you open through this recession.

Smoke starts to fill the booth, McCoy looks over to his right and a man is sitting down drinking a martini

McCoy: Who the bleeding heck are you.
Ghost of Christmas Past: I'm the ghost of Christmas past baby, believe we have a booking for today
McCoy: Are you Dean Martin?
Ghost: Yeah I got this gig when my liver left Vegas.
McCoy: Hows that working out for you?
Ghost: Man there is some freaky stuff you see in this job let me tell you.
McCoy: So whats the itinerary then.
Ghost: Well we got to go back to one of your past Christmases and show you something to make you feel nostalgic.
McCoy: Can you make it 2002
Ghost: Why
McCoy: FHM Calendar models all of them and my jacuzzi.
Ghost: Baby that is one Christmas past we got to see but we'll do that on the way back we got to do 1983.
McCoy: Oh right.

the room starts spinning and before McCoy knows whats happening he and Dean Martin are standing looking in the window at McCoy Hall circa 1983.

McCoy: So whats the significance of this then.
Ghost: Just look.

A 6 year old McCoy and his brother and sister are waiting to open their presents.

McCoy: What of it, we're waiting for pop so we can open the presents.
Ghost: Look how miserable you all are its the afternoon and your dad is still working.
McCoy: Working, the old rogue was feeling up Cleo Roccos at Kenny Everett's christmas party.
Ghost: So you can see the error of your ways.
McCoy: No not especially
Ghost: You know how you let your kids down by allowing yourself to become like your father, come on cat you know you aint being hip at the moment, this is the first sign you need to change your ways.
McCoy: What can I say maybe the ghost of Christmas present will have more luck old bean.
Ghost: Yeah nobody ever starts crying and begging for a second chance until at least the 2nd Ghost, lets head to 2002.
McCoy: Good man.

Will McCoy take the hint
Will Dean Martin want to leave McCoy's 2002 Christmas Party
Will McCoy free up his schedule for the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Find out this and much much more in the next ghoulish episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

January 1st 2010 7.43am

The west wing of of McCoy Hall is on fire and in ruins. JawZ and Bunsen are pulling an unconcious McCoy out of the rubble.

JawZ: What the hell happened.
Bunsen: Must be a gas leak
JawZ: What makes you say that
Bunsen: He was babbling about Dean Martin being a ghost when we found him, he's high on gas.
JawZ: No he's just drunk
Bunsen: I doubt the noxious emissions from his gob managed to blow up a quarter of his house when he tried to light a cigar.
JawZ: Fair point.

McCoy starts to regain conciousness.

McCoy: Bunsen
Bunsen: Yes boss
McCoy: I can see angels Bunsen, they're calling for me, I've not got much time.
Bunsen: You'll be alright chief, ambulance is on its way.
McCoy: No Bunsen it's too late I have to tell you and JawZ where all the money is.
JawZ: No boss you'll be ok help is on the way, save your strength.
Bunsen: No no JawZ lets hear him out ambulance could be stuck in snow or even cancelled.

Dame McCoy and the children appear from the east wing wondering what all the commotion is.

Dame M: Noooooooooo, he's lived a good life please don't take him god.
JawZ: She obviously asks no questions does she.
Bunsen: Yeah seems that way, you keep her back while I try and find out where the cash is.
JawZ: What if he doesn't die, he'll know we ripped him off.
Bunsen: Don't worry a scatter cushion will fall on his face right after he tells me.
JawZ: Whisper quieter one of those creepy kids is staring at us. Right I'll go deal with her.

Bunsen: Boss, the cash where is it.
McCoy: Can I have one last drink of Gin please Bunsen old bean, flask is in my right pocket.
Bunsen: No problem boss (pours the contents into McCoys gaping mouth)
McCoy: The money Bunsen its in............its in
Bunsen: Yes, yes
McCoy: Lights fading
Bunsen: No boss not yet not, wheres the money
McCoy: Strength building
Bunsen: No no
McCoy: Liver swelling
Bunsen: No no

McCoy flips onto his feet and roars a primal yell.

Bunsen: God damn it
McCoy: Whats that
Bunsen: God damn you for almost taking my boss is what I was saying.
McCoy: Thats what i thought you meant. JawZ come here.
JawZ: ok boss so happy to see you're alright.

McCoy puts Bunsen and JawZ in a headlock

McCoy: Boys it's good to know in my time of need you answered the call and got me out of trouble, but even in my delirious state I can't help but think you were plotting to finish me off.
Bunsen: Us
McCoy: You
JawZ: Do something like that
McCoy: Yes
Bunsen & JawZ: No
McCoy: It's alright boys I'm proud of you finally seeing that truly nasty side appearing, one thing though Bunsen.
Bunsen: Whats that boss.
McCoy: Gin is to me what spinach is to popeye, keep that in mind.

SpankyTech are back for 2010 keep out of their way if you want to stay healthy.

Will McCoy and the lads be cheating up a storm in 2010
Will Bunsen use that abs belt he got for Christmas
Will JawZ pass his advanced devious exams in May

Find out some of this in the next gas leaking episode of the Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
JawZ



Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 1991
Location: Bedfordshire

PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hold up I have an exam O_O Shocked
_________________

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Iraq inquiry Friday January 22nd 2010

McCoy has been asked to attend after information came to light about his involvement in starting the war.

Sir John Chilcot: Thank you for attending Sir McCoy, we would just like to ask you about your relationship with Saddam Hussein.
McCoy: Never met him.
Chilcot: So these pictures of you playing golf with him at Baghdad links is a fake then.
McCoy: Oh that Saddam Hussein, bumped into him once when I was on holiday.
Chilcot: You holiday in Baghdad
McCoy: Yeah why not, has lovely architecture.
Chilcot: Indeed, we also have evidence that there were large stockpiles of weapons manufactured by yourself.
McCoy: Stolen
Chilcot: Stolen, how so.
McCoy: Well the bleeder didn't pay for them, thats theft in my book.
Chilcot: Jack Straw said that SpankyTech Global contacted him about providing proof of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, is there any truth in that allegation.
McCoy: Very true we did offer assistance in providing proof to the government to keep this skirmish legal and all that.
Chilcot: How would you do that.
McCoy: The SpankyTech cyclops
Chilcot: What's that.
McCoy: Can't tell you, strictly speaking I should shoot everyone in this room right now since I mentioned its name.
Chilcot: My god man you will tell us what it is.
McCoy: Before I do nip over here and I'll whisper what it does.

Chilcot saunters over to the table and tilts his head, McCoy whispers briefly and Chilcot returns to the top table.

Chilcot: Moving on the inquiry would like to thank Sir McCoy for his invaluable assistance.
McCoy: No problem old bean, any other questions.
Chilcot: Yes the allegations that you sold weapons to the Iraqis and then sold the instructions on how to circumvent them to the allies, is that true.
McCoy: Now that is untrue, I merely instructed the yanks how to turn off the Iraqi missile shield, if that missile shield happens to be similar in design to the SpankyTech iron knickers system I can't be held responsible for that.
Chilcot: But these photos, here and here show that it is a SpankyTech system.
McCoy: It's knock off.
Chilcot: It's not a gucci handbag its a multi billion dollar weapons system, who could build a knock off of that.
McCoy: The French
Chilcot: The French, why them.
McCoy: They're trying to pin it on Britain to make us look bad.
Chilcot: Why would they do that.
McCoy: They're French for christs sake, what other reason do they need.
Chilcot: I see. The allegations that Old Bean Oil Company got a lucrative contract to rebuild the petrochemical industry in Iraq too, that wasn't an incentive to advise Prime Minister Blair to invade either.
McCoy: Never met him.
Chilcot: My god man you were enterprise tzar at the time.
McCoy: Yeah but I never came into the office.
Chilcot: Your reputation as a devious, self serving villain does seem to be deserved, you sold weapons to the Iraqis, you sold the information to disable them to the americans and then got your own oil company to fix the pipelines and refineries that the bombs you sold to the allies blew up, what do you have to say to that.
McCoy: Win, win old bean, right I've got an appointment with a mojito in Havana, winter holiday and all that, toodle pip.

McCoy walks out

Bunsen: What did you say to him when he came over to the desk.
McCoy: Told him the SpankyTech cyclops could scan through his roof and showed him being slapped on the arse with wet lettuce by his illegal Thai houskeeper while he was dressed as a Nazi.
Bunsen: And did it?
McCoy: No but with these Eton types some of it was bound to be true.

Will McCoy make it to Cuba in time for salsa hour
Will SpankyTech be able to put political intrigue to one side long enough to build the car
Will Bunsen get his racing license back after the Hooters unpleasantness

Find out this and much much more in the next exhilirating episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 1:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Friday February 19th McCoy is in court

Judge De'Ath: For breaking into Buckingham Palace and running over two of her Majesty's prize corgis I will be sentencing you to 200 hours community service and a fine of £600. Have you anything to say for yourself.
McCoy: Well you see it is all a horrendous misunderstanding, I was down showing Phillip the new all terrain assault vehicle we've built and my associate Bunsen.
Judge: ahh yes Mrs Bunsen Jetson who for some mysterious reason never turned up to be tried.
McCoy: Yeah him, well he was demonstrating how well the vehicle corners while still firing its gatling guns and well he accidently ran over the two corgis as they frolicked in the shrubs.
Judge: As Mr Jetson isn't here to substantiate your version of events we'll have to go with Prince Phillip's version of events which were and I quote "That devious blighter was chasing after some organic scrumpy delivery van when he crashed the gates and drove right over happy and lucky as me an Liz were walking them, he didn't even stop to say sorry".
McCoy: I can understand why he may think that but it really wasn't as it seemed.
Judge: And the CCTV shows cleary you used a rocket launcher to shoot the gates open so you could take a shortcut through the palace to catch up with the van you'd been chasing through London.
McCoy: He stole my suitcase was I supposed to let him go?.
Judge: Yes, then you report it to the police and they can recover it.
McCoy: Yeah but are the cops really going to give me back $100 million in negotiable bonds given to me by a corrupt dictator, I mean yeah that's bleeding likely isn't it.
Judge: 200 community service starting Tuesday 23rd of March.
McCoy: I'm busy then.
Judge: Doing what exactly.
McCoy: I drive in a car racing series.
Judge: Not now you're not.
McCoy: Aww come on, I've got business interests.
Judge: In that case you can set up a team for charity and give all the revenues to charity.
McCoy: Bleeding eck.

20 mins later McCoy is on the phone to JawZ

McCoy: Yes get a replacement someone cheap and who won't drink my gin, I won't have use of the team coach and gents, yeah they've got me driving round all the venues in a camper van towing the bleeding car behind it. I can't see how I'll manage it. Oh yes one other thing find Bunsen, alive if possible barely alive is just as good.

Will Bunsen evade the SpankyTech hit squad
Will Little Deanio keep away from McCoy's Gin
Will McCoy raise enough money to support Sport Relief or get another 100 hours community service.

Find out this and much much more in the next judicial episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Middenrat
actual speed


Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 2260
Location: Location: Location.

PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

so, will there be a vid of Spanky slopping out the toilets down at the Community Centre? If it's good enough for Boy George I don't see why not Wink
_________________


Skin by Baino
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Monday March 22nd Unicef HQ

McCoy: Bleeding hell don't they know its rude to make a Knight of the Realm wait.
Tred: Well its not like we have to be anywhere, I hear since Unicef got involved with the Legends team they are assigning a good will ambassador to the team to promote unicef as the season progresses.
McCoy: Eh?.
Tred: They don't trust you to sully the good name of Unicef in your quest for bloody revenge against Cheese for dropping you in it over the whole Buckingham Palace unpleasantness.
McCoy: No no, not mad with him over that, anyway got caught bang to right on the CCTV. I'm mad with him because he scratched my Aston.
Tred: That you tried to run him over with.
McCoy: You know something there is a time to keep it zipped when you're teamed with me old bean, better start sussing that out.

The door opens and the member of unicef assigned to the Legends team walks in.

McCoy: Oh jesus.
Tred: No, close but no.
The Archbishop Desmond Tutu: Good afternoon gentlemen. Sir McCoy I believe you are promoting Unicef for the upcoming season on a non profit basis.
McCoy: Don't remind me.
Tutu: It is a great thing you are doing but there are some conditions to our involvement and I believe Judge De'Ath had these made part of the bargain that kept you out of prison.
McCoy: Yet again don't remind me Des.
Tutu: We have provided the engines and fuel on a fair trade basis and also a pit crew and chief technical engineer if you come downstairs you can meet them.
McCoy: Long as I can top up the old flask on the way old bean.

The basement of Unicef HQ

Tutu: Sir McCoy let me introduce Njongoloko Kewazulu your technical director.
McCoy: Say again
Tutu: Njongo...
McCoy: Never mind what experience you got?.
Njongoloko: I keep the land rovers running in the nearby game reserve.
McCoy: Those are diesels, high performance mad laps cars are a bit more advanced.
Njongo: But Sir McCoy I thought you knew, your engines are diesels, Peugeot donated them.
McCoy: Are you bunch of do gooders having some kind of sick joke at my expense. How do you expect me to win races in a bloody repmobile.
Tutu: The diesel is fair trade diesel made from cocoa husks from Kenya.
McCoy: I don't care if it's made from water drizzled over Cheryl Cole's ample bosom I do not and I repeat do not drive bleeding diesels.
Tred: Chill out, it's not like we're getting any points anyway.
McCoy: What you talking about Tred?.
Tred: We're purely promotional we just turn up when possible and get the message out.
McCoy: Jesus wept. Alright alright let me think about this I can make it work, if I can convince people that the ginger in girls aloud isn't that ugly I can do anything.
Tutu: That is your pit team over there.
McCoy: Bloody hell they're schoolkids they can't change tyres. I'm not having this, if I have to have schoolkids they'll be from Toxteth as I know they can change a set of 4 tyres and an engine out quicker than any works team, granted they'll be sold round the back of the pub.
Tutu: Get them trained then.
McCoy: yeah yeah I'll give Belial a shout.


Will McCoy make the start grid without sounding like an advert for John Deere
Will Tred regret offering to drive and live down his RFR days
Will Tutu manage to avert a public relations disaster

Find out this and more on the next charitiffic episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 12:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spearmint Rhino tuesday night 8.00pm McCoy is sat in his private booth surrounded by totty

McCoy: Ye'shee it's not that I didn't want to drive itsh jussht they won't let me, I have to drive a minicab round for nothing.
Gigi: For nothing
McCoy: For nothing shweetheart yeah a minibus
Gigi: Isn't it a minicab.
McCoy: Who are you Jamesh May all of a sudden itsh got the engine out of a tractor anyway, hate driving it.
Gigi: When you getting to drive your normal car.
McCoy: Sssshhhhh we don't talk about that car its really shpeshal, ain't that right Bunsen.

Bunsens head pops up from its resting place on Candy's ample bosom.

Bunsen: Wozzat chief
McCoy: The car we don't talk about the car
Bunsen: Sssssssssssshhhhhhhh we don't talk about the car
McCoy: I know thatsh what I woz saying.
Bunsen: You know I can't wait to sheee there facesh when we turn up at the end of the year.
McCoy: Why
Bunsen: The car
McCoy: Sssshhhhhhhhhh we don't talk about the car.
Bunsen: I know thatsh what I woz saying.

The manager comes in with the house phone

Manager: Sir McCoy the Archbishop Desmond Tutu is on the phone.

McCoy: Buggar, pash it over old bean. Tutu how goes it me old mucker.
Tutu: We are sat at the racing circuit but yet again you haven't turned up, you are not representing unicef very well.
McCoy: Hold on, hold on, hold on I sent me german mate Reh down today he ish there.
Tutu: I see him but I don't see you.
McCoy: Very true I'm at my race hq oversheeeing the telemetry with me technical director Bunsen.
Tutu: I called you at a booby bar Sir McCoy
McCoy: Ever heard of citrix. Don't worry I'll be back next time ok, thanks bye bye desh.

Will McCoy and Bunsen be sober for season 10
Will JawZ get to see the car that the others don't talk about
Will Tutu give up on McCoy

Find out some of this in the next silicone enhanced episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Mon May 31, 2010 1:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Monday May 31st Mad Laps Race series HQ in Little Diddle on the wold.

Cheese: Call to order all team management on the agenda today is letting McCoy back in for next season after his little misdemeanour.
McCoy: Sir McCoy, Cheese it's Sir remember knighted.
Cheese: I'll start calling you Sir when you stop sending letter to me marked " Dear Primula"
McCoy: NEVER
Mad: Shut it or I'll stick the heid on the pair o ye's and make ye greet. Right lads who wants Sir Fanny Baws back on the track all say aye.

absolute silence

McCoy: Ok it's like that then, who all wants to be able to go back to their houses tonight without having their cars blow up.

Everyone: AYE

McCoy: So who all votes to let me race again to prevent lots and lots of automotive explosions happening?

Everyone apart from Cheese: Aye

Cheese: Damn it we can't let him threaten us.
SoSteve: You speak for yourself an exploding car is only funny when it happens to someone else.
Yussuf: Ja let him back in who wants to be spread all over the countryside like a windfarm anyway.
Cheese: But he'll try and kill us all again.
Middenrat: To be fair boss he only really tries to kill you and me he's pretty indifferent to the rest of them.
Cheese: Fair point.
Mad: Anyway he owns Preparation H and if they pull their sponsorship on the whole it'll be rough for us all.
McCoy: Exactly.
Cheese: I admit defeat you're back in, heaven help us all.
McCoy: Cheese old bean it'll be back to the glory days GMR and SpankyTech locked in the ages old battle of evil vs not so evil. Just think of the pay per view.
Cheese: Suppose there is that. Merchendise too.
McCoy: Exactly, t-shirts, lunchboxes, energy drinks, caps, video games
Middenrat: A tie in burger we'll call it the claymore, 4 pounds of red meat smothered in jalapeno sauce served with a kilo of fries.
McCoy: See Cheese even Mid is getting into the spirit, think of the possibilities.
Cheese: By appealing to my materialistic shallow side you've won me over McCoy, let the grudge match commence.


McCoy, JawZ and even Bunsen will be back for Season 9 for more mediocre middle of the table titanic battles.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
DaCheese



Joined: 05 Sep 2007
Posts: 1471
Location: GMR Towers, South Shropshire, UK.

PostPosted: Mon May 31, 2010 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another top notch installment. Huzzah!
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Middenrat
actual speed


Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 2260
Location: Location: Location.

PostPosted: Mon May 31, 2010 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yea, just watch it Spanky - our Boss is easily the mediocrest of them all and don't you forget it Razz

hehe that told him DC Smile don't thank me
_________________


Skin by Baino
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Saturday 12th June 2010 SpankyTech are taking part in the Le Mans 24 hours.

McCoy: 1,2,3
Bunsen: scissors beats paper I'm out
McCoy: 1,2,3
JawZ: rock beats scissors I'm out
McCoy: But I can't do the first stint
JawZ: You won you've got to start.

20mins later McCoy is sat in the SpankyTech Thrust TDi2010.

McCoy: I've got to get out I need a drink
Bunsen: You can't the race is about to start
McCoy: You don't understand I'm bleeding sober I can't drive
Bunsen: Tough, maybe you'll set an acceptable lap time.

45 mins later McCoy is in first and lapping all the diddy Porsches

JawZ: Boss if you keep this up we should be able to hold on to the lead when you switch to Bunsen during the pitstop.
McCoy: Look this is a bleeding medical emergency I need a G&T and I need it bloody now if my reflexes get any sharper I'll be able to do an interview with Jeremy Paxman and come out on top.
Bunsen: Just think if you manage another hour and fifteen mins you can bathe in it for four hours.

10 mins left of McCoy's stint and he has broken the lap record, the lap record he set and every lap record he set after that one.

McCoy: Seriously how much bleeding longer I'm starting to feel my liver swell.
JawZ: 10 mins boss and you're done.
McCoy: I'm calling Amnesty International you swines are subjecting me to cruel and unusual punishment.
Bunsen: I don't think they'll do you any favours they spend 90% of their time highlighting the atrocities directly attributable to you.

10 mins later McCoy screams into the pits

Martin Brundle: After a blistering session in which Sir McCoy broke every record on the track and set a first in the amount of different languages you can say a certain expletive heard over race radio he is handing over to Bunsen Jetson. Wait a minute there is trouble he has started attacking one of his co-drivers and he is screaming where is his gin.

As McCoy throws spare wheels at JawZ the technical director is going over the cockpit footage from McCoy's stint.

T.D: Look at this boys when he is sober he has the reactions of a bloody ninja, check this he spins at 223mph on the Mulsanne straight, gets it back under control and has enough time to flick the bird at the Peugeot, scratch his balls and scream at Bunsen he needs his medicine.
Mechanic: What you saying you want to keep him sober he'll tear the place apart.
T.D: No what I'm saying is let him think he is getting a drink then stick him back in the car before he gets hammered, we might even win a bloody race for once.

Will McCoy be sober at 4am in France doing laps a first for him
Will Bunsen tell McCoy where the drinks cabinet is
Will JawZ manage to get the alloy wheel that is wedged over his helmet off

Find out this and much much more in the next endurance filled episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Le Mans 1 min 23 secs after the 24 hours have ticked by McCoy is being interviewed by the media

French reporter: Sir McCoy your team has just the set highest number of laps ever for the 24 hrs race, how do you feel.
McCoy: Gin, I need gin for the love of Christ.
Telegraph: Sir McCoy has your sudden upturn in driving ability been as a direct consequence of your team not letting you get tanked up.
McCoy: Give me gin or I will kill the first born son of every family in France.
The Sun: Oi McCoy is it true you hallucinated Dame Judi Dench naked on the bonnet of your car during your 4am shift?.
McCoy: If it gets me a bottle of Bombay Gin yes I hallucinated her doing the merengue with Bruce Forsyth slapping her arse with wet celery.

JawZ and Bunsen are standing in the garage watching the media circus.

JawZ: We just set a record that will never likely be beaten and you know what today will be remembered for?.
Bunsen: The boss punching a french pensioner and stealing his hip flask.
JawZ: Eh?

JawZ gestures to the mob outside pulling McCoy away from a poor old french gentleman.

JawZ: The Sun will have a field day with this.

Will McCoy get sober to improve results
Will Bunsen get wise and sponsor him at AA
Will JawZ remember to go up to the podium to collect the prize.

Find out none of this in the next boozetastic episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
JawZ



Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 1991
Location: Bedfordshire

PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

im glad bruce doesnt do the generation game, thats themost likely place he would of held celery Very Happy
_________________

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Sabre



Joined: 11 Oct 2009
Posts: 64
Location: Bolton, England

PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

just started to read these, great reads spanky Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2010 6:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wednesday September 29th 2010 9.37pm the SpankyTech drivers are in the Winnebago after the practice race.

Dan: Where's Little Lord Fauntleroy and his psycho mate.
Mad: Eh, you callin me a psycho you fanny.
Bboy: No he's wondering where McCoy and JawZ are at.
Mad: Well that's alright then wouldn't want this to get nasty pal.
Dan: Indeed, dunno why we bother having practice if he can't be bothered to turn up.
Bboy: Doesn't make any difference anyway he'll turn up drunk, drive badly and blow up half the stadium.
Mad: Aye he's a prime bawbag.
Dan: Rich though
Mad: Oh aye he carries a wad that could choke Vanessa Feltz
Bboy: Still got to wonder where he is, nobody has seen him in ages.

Meanwhile on a very large boat moored off Monaco

McCoy: Wooohooo we're number 1
JawZ: We're number 1 yeaaaahhhhhhh
Bunsen: What we number 1 for again
McCoy: The thing in France you know
JawZ: Yeah that thing with the cars and the night time
Bunsen: Le Mans?
McCoy: Yeah that's the one Les man

Bunsen looks at his iphone wipes the tia maria and margerita from it

Bunsen: Eh Chief we've been partying for over three months.
McCoy: Eh nahhh can't have been, ere JawZ check the official SpankyTech facebook page for status updates we're bound to have a record of the last 3 months on that.
JawZ: Ok dokey............oh...........dear.............seriously.......noooo
McCoy: What is it
JawZ: Well lets just say you won't be visiting Spain for quite some time.
McCoy: Really
JawZ: Oh really.

Will McCoy remember why they had to leave Spain in a hurry
Will JawZ tell him
Will Bunsen get the tia maria stench off his phone

Find out very little of this in the next nautical episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wednesday 27th October 2010 Cheese Enterprises warehouse Runcorn.

Cheese: You know Mid for this being your plan it's working surprisingly well.
Mid: Thanks, I think.
Cheese: Who would have thought that simply kidnapping Sir Drinksalots best driver would scupper his season.
Mid: Well sometimes the simplest plan is the best plan boss if you and McCoy thought about that we'd have an easier life.
Cheese: What do you mean?.
Mid: Well think about it if you try to blow up his Maserati last week and instead of the simple but effective car bomb you have to try and hijack an American bomber, steal the launch codes to the cruise missiles on board and fire them from half way across the atlantic, by the time the missiles got anywhere near him he'd traded the car in for one that didn't smell so much of Italian sorts.
Cheese: Well a simple car bomb is just that simple, where is the triumph in a simple plan.
Mid: Jesus wept you're just like him.
Cheese: Take that back
Mid: No you are his weapons plant in Japan gets infiltrated by MI6 and he tells this Jim Bond punter the whole caper before pissing off to let him get eaten by a genetically modified Lion well course the blighter escapes and his Japan plan gets rumbled doesn't it. I said listen skipper just shoot the buggar between the eyes but oh no don't listen to me and look what happened.
Cheese: Still not seeing it.
Mid: For the love of........never mind. Anyway what we doing with the boy wonder there.
Cheese: Keep him here for the next two months, that's keeping it simple.
Mid: Yes it is Cheese old son, I'm proud of you.

Bboy is sat in the corner blindfolded and gagged while Jonesy is sat on a computer beside him pretending to be Bboy on x-fire telling everyone that he is busy.

Jonesy: Cheese does this sound right
Cheese: What's that?
Jonesy: "Yo G I'm just chilling with my homeboys playing some nintendo, word to your mother" JawZ is asking where Bboy is at so I thought I would answer.
Cheese: Ehm no not really he isn't Vanilla Ice.
Jonesy: Screw you Cheese
Cheese: Hey watch it or no free subscription to Buxom Brummies.

Will Jonesy get his jazzmags
Will JawZ suss out that Bboy is talking like a circa 1990 rapper
Will McCoy notice that Bboy isn't turning up

Find out possibly part of this in the next kidnapperiffic episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sunday December 19th 2010 McCoy is about to get dropped off at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year awards.

JawZ: So you reckon you could win this year
McCoy: Me, no chance old bean.
JawZ: How do you know boss, you've got that Indian call centre calling round the clock to get you enough votes and there is no decent shouts this year in the running. Who gives a crap about Phil Taylor, Westwood and Williams really.
McCoy: No definitely not old bean they're sitting me in row M next to Kriss Akabusi and Duncan Goodhew, if you get sat next to has beens like that you know you're screwed for the overall.
JawZ: Why
McCoy: Take you ten minutes to get out of your seat and up to collect the award thats why.
JawZ: Good point

2 hours later and Jake Humphreys is doing the section on motor sport.

Humphreys: This year we had a british winner of Le Mans setting not one but 123 different records during the 24 hours. Sir Spanky McCoy everyone lets have a round of applause.

*Kriss Akabusi shouts awooga and whoop while approximately 20 or so people give a slow hand clap*

Humphreys: Moving on to F1 where it was a very close year...........

A further 3 hours later and Freddie Flintoff is announcing Phil "The Power" Taylor has come second.

Flintoff: And in first place, yeah it's him its McCoy Mr Consistent himself.

McCoy: Well Kriss I wouldn't go that far but I'll take it, scuse me Kriss, Duncan I've got to go get my award.
Goodhew: Wait a minute I think they mean the jockey AP McCoy
McCoy: Yewhat?
Akabusi: Yeah look he's down in Row A and standing up to go get it.
McCoy: Wait a mo (takes out phone) yeah hello this is Sir McCoy I engaged you lot Gupta Telecommunications to make as many calls to the sports personality of the year phone lines as possible.
Gupta: We did, we phone and placed 234,000 votes for McCoy like you said.
McCoy: Not the ruddy jockey you blithering idiot, I'm the racing driver.
Gupta: Oh, well least you helped a great jockey win the title, thank you for using Gupta Communications, please call again *click*.
McCoy: That's it I'm nuking Mumbai.

Will McCoy win BBC East Anglia Sports Personality of the Year
Will Gupta Communications bill get paid
Will McCoy remember to post his Christmas cards

Find out this and loads more in the next festive episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Mad Gaming Forums Forum Index -> ROFL All times are GMT
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12, 13, 14  Next
Page 11 of 14

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group