The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer

[Middenrat]

I would lurve to read the internal emails from the Spankycave right now, what with all the no-shows and having to call Cheese 'Uncle' after the first three weekends ... oh, sorry Bunsen, didn't mean to draw attention *snicker
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Skin by Baino

[Spanky_McCoy]

From: Bunsensexydude@hotmail.com
To: SMcCoy@McCoysworldofnaughtynurses.net
Subject: re re Apologies


Boss,

Message received loud and clear, don't mean to be a pain but can you remind what day the GP's are again.

Bestest Regards

Bunsen







From: SMcCoy@McCoysworldofnaughtynurses.net
To: Bunsensexydude@hotmail.com
Subject: re apologies

Bunsen,

Since the sabotage attempts on Laughing Cows motor aren't working as well as we would like we need you to attend the next race or with great regret we'll have to hunt you down and show you the meaning of PAIN.

Kind Regards

Spanky

PS: Know what you mean about that gadget show piece, it caramelizes my plums too.








From: Bunsensexydude@hotmail.com
To: SMcCoy@McCoysworldofnaughtynurses.net
Subject: Apologies

Boss let me apologise about the no shows, I was under going treatment for my addiction to that bit off the gadget show where Suzy Perry is in Iceland in her bikini all the time.

I promise once I stop having the rampant horn I'll be back in the car.

Warm Regards

Bunsen
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[Spanky_McCoy]

It’s race day in the Mad Laps GP Series sponsored by Preparation H.

McCoy, JawZ and Bunsen are making some minor adjustments to their cars. JawZ is adapting the weapons controls on his steering wheel so he doesn’t accidently shoot Bunsen again, Bunsen is adapting the defence systems in case JawZ shoots him again and McCoy is filling his drinking system with Gin and a dash of lime. Middenrat and Cheese come over to the SpankyTech garage.

Cheese: Right McCoy lets have this out you owe me for rebuilding my stately home and the garage.
Middenrat: We’ve got you caught good this time skip.

Out of nowhere Cheese’s mother Lady Edam barges past Middenrat and Cheese and kicks McCoy square in the groin, as he doubles over in pain she plants a square uppercut on him and he falls backwards not sure what to check first his new whitened teeth or the boys. McCoy’s security team draw weapons, JawZ draws his Uzi’s, Cheese draws his shotgun, Middenrat draws his trusty twin pearl handled Colt Peacemakers. Lady Edam pulls out what can only be described as a bazooka and Bunsen draws nothing as he is still laughing at McCoy rolling about on the floor.

Bunsen: Here boss you should be counting them not rubbing them
McCoy: My balls, ooowwwwwwwwwwwwww
Bunsen: Oh yeah weapons (he picks up a hand grenade)

Before the Mexican stand off can escalate DaMadman intervenes with a blast from his shotgun.

DaMadman: Shut it the lot o you, the fight isn’t here it’s on the track, they’re not your enemy, team Steve is the enemy.
Cheese: By god I think he’s right what do you say McCoy lets pool resources and destroy team steve.
McCoy: My balls owwwwwww
Cheese: Oh yeah sorry about that *chuckle*

Will the mighty SpankyTech and the vengeful Green Missile Racing join forces to defeat the fairly innocent Team Steve
Will Lady Edam apologise for kicking Spankys nuts half way up the flag pole
Will Spanky be able to drive with a bag of ice on his lap for 50 laps.

Find out this and much much more in the next episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
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[Middenrat]

Can Lady Edam drive?
great episode spanky
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Skin by Baino

[JawZ]

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[bunsenjetson]

I wasn't laughing at you; I was laughing at the look of grim recognition on Cheese's face. For the record.

[Spanky_McCoy]

As the last GP’s of Season 4 come around we are having a look at how the teams prepare for a GP.

TeamWest meditate in a Buddhist temple while songs by Enigma play quietly in the background.

TeamSteve argue over who is committed enough to the cause while tinkering with the stickers on their cars.

Cooper like to relax in a nice French bistro while their team captain sketches beautiful ladies but more often he is designing next years car.

We follow two teams on a typical Wednesday night before the race, we catch up with SpankyTech and Green Missile Racing at the opening of the new Spearmint Rhino in Sunderland.

Middenrat: Ere Cheese these women look a bit rough don’t they.
Cheese: Women??? is there one here?
Middenrat: *hic* yeah one of those bouncers standing behind me must be one

With that question regarding the sexuality of Burly Dave the bouncer hanging in the air team GMR promptly get manhandled out the back door.

Bunsen: See you can’t take those people anywhere, don’t you think Boss.
McCoy: Yesssh they are a total embarrassmmene, embarrassmet, dishgrace.
JawZ: I can’t race tomorrow night by the way.
McCoy: Why not old bean?
JawZ: Sold the car on ebay
McCoy: Ahh ok (he gestures a waitress to come over) ere wench what does a Lord and two racing drivers got to do to get a drink round ere.
Waitress: Ask nicely
Bunsen: Can we get a pint of John Smiths for me, a bottle of champagne for the Boss there and JawZ will have a snakebite with an absinthe chaser.
As the waitress walks away McCoy slaps her on the arse and tells her “chop chop”
Five bouncers approach the SpankyTech boys and after a brief scuffle they are carried on the shoulders out the door and thrown into the wheely bins out the back on top of the GMR boys.

Cheese: Get your foot out of my face McCoy
McCoy: That ain’t me foot old bean
Cheese: Ewwwwwwww

The drivers clamber out of the bin and into the alley as a Mercedes Vito van draws up. The door opens and two men dressed in black point shotguns at the inebriated men.

SoSteve: Get in or the only people who will recognise you are the people who do your fake tan.
Thug: Grrrrrrrr
Middenrat, Cheese, Bunsen, Jonny, JawZ get in while McCoy slowly tries to sneak off.
*BANG*
SoSteve: I weren’t joking posh boy get in.
McCoy: Ok you need to ask me twice most things I have a short attention span.
Thug: Grrrrrr
McCoy climbs into the back of the van,.
McCoy: Right oh Stevey whats the hassle.
SoSteve: The Gits want your weapons technology for our car.
McCoy: No can do old bean you lot would be robbing banks and bringing the law after me in no time.
Thug: Grrrrrr *he smacks Bunsen on the back of the head*
McCoy: You can beat us up all you want you’re not getting it.
Bunsen: Easy for you to say he’s not bloody smacking you round the head is he.
McCoy: Hit Jonny next time would you old bean, share the fun and all that.
Thug: Grrrrrr *smacks Jonny round the head*

This goes on for about five mins until it really is McCoy’s turn to get a whallop.

McCoy: Ok ok I don’t like violence I’ll make the arrangements.
Middenrat: You what, don't like violence you make Idi Amin look like a Cub scout on bob a job week.

Will McCoy arm The Gits with state of the art technology
Will the others in the van smack him round the head
Will Steve know where to drop the guys off.
Find out this and much much more in the next monumental episode of the Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
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[Middenrat]

pity we didn't stick around, we missed mrs longpole doin the snakedance!
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Skin by Baino

[Spanky_McCoy]

[Spanky_McCoy]

In the aftermath of season 4 and the surprisingly low rankings of the SpankyTech team McCoy has decided to re think the teams approach to racing.

McCoy: We need to cheat and cheat big gentlemen
Bunsen: Come on Boss we've added sugar to fuel tanks, tied cars to lamp posts and bribed track designers we can't do much more.
JawZ: What he said
McCoy: Lazy bleeders, we haven't tried car bombs, land mines, low rent hookers and good old fashioned blackmail.
Bunsen: I hate to bring this up but we're here to drive cars.
McCoy: Au contraire my sex addict chum we're here to win and win big and you two punters haven't been doing that have you now.
JawZ: My car don't work
McCoy: That's because you sold it to him
Bunsen: His car don't work
McCoy: That's because I caught wind he was selling it to pay for his new broadband and took the ECU out. Now lets quit arguing about who did what to who and who didn't perform.
Bunsen: Boss you were rubbish this year though.
McCoy: Egads man I have gout, do you know how sore that is.
JawZ: Pretty sore I hear.
McCoy: Thank you JawZ, anyway enough ok I've got one of Cheeses Polish fruit pickers spying on their make shift garage and they've come up with a super sticky tyre compound which never wears out.
Bunsen: And we're going to steal it.
McCoy: Gadzooks no man we're going to sabotage it.
JawZ: Isn't it smarter to steal it
McCoy: Who is the evil mastermind and who is the driver round here?.
JawZ: Well based on your performance in the GP's that rules out the driver.
McCoy: Cheeky blighter.

Will McCoy manage to sabotage Cheeses super sticky tyre compound
Will Bunsen manage to renew his subscription to Razzle
Will JawZ decide to become more evil and sneaky
Will Mrs Longpole and Debs take up McCoys offer of a cous cous webcam show
Find out this and much much more in the next fiendish episode of the Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
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[JawZ]

my internet seems to be all better now ...

and im getting some weapons training in upshift strikeracer hopefully i can bring my skills from there into the GP's


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[bunsenjetson]

It worries me how accurately you portray me. How do you know? HOW? There's only so much you can pick up from someone's driving style.

[Spanky_McCoy]

[Spanky_McCoy]

[bunsenjetson]

I always wondered why Manchester had suddenly become strewn with haggis wrappers and half-finished Daily Record crosswords.

[JawZ]

Do you have a scottish friend/stalker working in the post office of my small southern town?
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[Spanky_McCoy]

During the season break McCoy has been asked by the Prime Minister to become a special envoy to get the British cash stuck in Iceland back to all the local authorities who invested it there. McCoy is sitting in a meeting with the Icelandic finance minister Bjorn Gunnar Hallfullsen Gunnar Hallfullsen Bjorn.

Bjorn: Lord McCoy you do not understand if your milkshake is full up and I put my straw in to your glass and remove your milkshake then I drink your milkshake it’s gone I drink your milkshake up. We do not have your money it is this simple.
McCoy: Now look ere Bjorn old bean I’ve been asked to come here and get that money back and that is exactly what I’ll be doing.
Bjorn: It’s gone McCoy we drink it up.
McCoy: I saw that film too so put down the bowling pin.

Bjorn picks moves round the table with the bowling pin and raises it ready to strike, McCoy draws his trusty pistol and shoots it clean out of his hand.

Bjorn: Eeeek I’m sorry Lord McCoy it worked on the Japanese.
McCoy: Well I ain’t tojo old bean and me patience is wearing a tad thin. Right now I have my particle beam weapon trained on your biggest thermopower station. Now it’s worth one 10th what you owe us but after the lights go out here we invade and make this Orkney 2.
Bjorn: I’ll arrange a cheque.
McCoy: No dice Bjorn.
McCoy: Takes out his palm computer and instructs the SpankyTech Siesmatron to power up.
Bjorn: Hold on Lord McCoy we don’t have that kind of money lying around.
McCoy: You certainly do you lying bleeder, it’s British money and we don’t get it back you lot get blasted back to the dark ages.

Ten minutes later McCoy and Bjorn emerge to the waiting press.

Times Reporter: Lord McCoy have you come to an agreement to get some of the money back.
McCoy: Got it all back old fruit.
Daily Sport Reporter: Lord McCoy did you partake of Reykjavik’s excellent lap dancing clubs.
McCoy: Now now Tony I can’t discuss that.
Sun reporter: Is Iceland happy we’ve come to an amicable arrangement.
Bjorn sweating profusely: I wouldn’t call it amicable.

McCoy saunters off round the corner and takes out his phone.

McCoy: Right Brown I better get that bleeding Knighthood you promised and you don’t deport my portly Italian mechanic.

Will Gordon Brown keeps his word
Will McCoy remember to not blow up Iceland
Will Luigi stop stalking Kerry Katona or risk getting deported again.

Find out this and much more in the next Politically Charged episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
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[bunsenjetson]

Orkney 2

[Middenrat]

Oh dear, they want to pay us in fish and further exports of mentallist departure-lounge midget nutjobs. More Bjork, anyone? didn't tink so
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Skin by Baino

[JawZ]

we are the earth intruders....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUvyECB07Zc
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