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The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
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DaCheese



Joined: 05 Sep 2007
Posts: 1471
Location: GMR Towers, South Shropshire, UK.

PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know what to say, so I'll use the Bosch/Fox/whatever other names you want to use method:

Laughing
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Middenrat
actual speed


Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 2260
Location: Location: Location.

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 1:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

CRJ 127 wrote:
Quote:
I'll be selling copies and merchandise from Midden's Infield Kebab & Burger Stand at tracks i fall off!



Well here it is, will be seen on a track near you soon Shocked Laughing



p.s. this is not the tow car

v v v v v v v


wow Shocked CJ, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 7:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bunsenjetson wrote:
Spanky_McCoy wrote:
Quit looking at my webcam Bunsen Laughing

No way. I paid the subscription and I've still got 15 days to run.


What even after the e-mail of complaint

sender: ladiesman69@hunkydude.gov.uk
recipient: smccoy:mccoysworldofsmut.de

Dear S.McCoy

I am writing to express my extreme disappointment at the hot oily webcam show I signed up for at £100 for 30 days.

Had I know it was a webcam of some old fellas in a care home I would only have paid £30.

Please refund my money straight away.

Yours Sincerely

Bunsen


You ain't getting no money back muchacho Twisted Evil
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bunsenjetson



Joined: 12 Aug 2007
Posts: 1119
Location: Stuart Hall

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 7:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

CRJ 127 wrote:
p.s. this is not the tow car
v v v v v v v

Is it a hotdog?
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bunsenjetson



Joined: 12 Aug 2007
Posts: 1119
Location: Stuart Hall

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spanky_McCoy wrote:
No way. I paid the subscription and I've still got 15 days to run.
What even after the e-mail of complaint
sender: ladiesman69@hunkydude.gov.uk
recipient: smccoy:mccoysworldofsmut.de
Yours Sincerely
Bunsen

Yes, erm ... it ... obviously I'm just kidding innit.
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Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

After the mildly startling revelation that Ferrari has been bought by Spanky Inc the SpankyTech race team has moved to Modena

Ferrari General Manager: Lord McCoy eet is beautiful to see you what can I do for a you today.
McCoy: Get me a bottle of Gin an alka seltzer and the hell out of my man Rats office, yer fired luigi.
Rat: Skipper do you mean I get to run Ferrari????
McCoy: Egads no old bean you get to run SpankyTech Eyetie Racing
Rat: Ek skipper we wont get away with that name
McCoy: Well bribe the bloody liberals who don't like it by buying a polar bear or something.
Rat: Eh will do
McCoy: Anyway as a sage old hag in some movie once said with great power comes great responsibility.
Rat: oh this sounds bad skipper
McCoy: It is old bean, get me a motor on the grid and running in 3 weeks
Rat: Thats no problem skipper we'll just stick the ferrari motors in our livery.
McCoy: Do these buttocks look like they sit in a surrender monkey built automobile?.
Rat: Eh is that a no then
McCoy: Damn right old bean my ancestor didn't rampage across Italy with elephants just for me to drive their overpriced motors.
Rat: You're related to Hannibal??
McCoy: No you blithering idiot my grandpa brought Rome to its knees in 1963 in protest to FIAT making cars.
Rat: Skipper you drive a Lambourghini though
McCoy: They're made by the bloody hun and enough gabbing and more building you've got three weeks and can someone get me an effing alka seltzer or do I have to drive home with a headache as well as being pissed.

3 weeks later Modena test Track

McCoy: Well done Rat old boy your mother won't be harmed.
Rat: Cheers skipper I think.
McCoy: Right how do we get the thing moving
Rat: I'll run you through it. Salti nei driver sede e nell'inizio del motore della pressa
McCoy: Come again
Rat: Eh jump into the drivers seat and press the button marked " inizio del motore"
McCoy: Rat old bean have you just painted the Ferrari Blue?
Rat: Yes skipper
McCoy: You could have changed the bloody stickers on the switches
Rat: Will do skipper

Will Rat change the stickers in time?
Will the FIA realised what Lord McCoy didn't that the SpankyTech 69er is just the Ferrari 2008 car and ban them?.
Will McCoy have to go to the cash point to get money to bribe the FIA
Find out in the next installment of the adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer.
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Middenrat
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Joined: 10 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bravissimo! Skipper is it true we inherit M Schumacher's contract as Advisor? I want him around to punch very hard at stressful moments every minute or so Laughing
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Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Middenrat wrote:
Bravissimo! Skipper is it true we inherit M Schumacher's contract as Advisor? I want him around to punch very hard at stressful moments every minute or so Laughing


You can use him as a teaboy if you want as long as you get your moneys worth out of the big chinned playboy Twisted Evil
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bunsenjetson



Joined: 12 Aug 2007
Posts: 1119
Location: Stuart Hall

PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I want to know where he gets all his insider knowledge from. It's spooky.
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Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

2am In McCoy Hall and only a stripper is stirring.

Rat: Skipper (nudges McCoy in his bed)
McCoy: *your money is on the sideboard" *snoooorrreee*
Rat: Skipper wake up I've got something you have to see
McCoy comes to with a start and grabs Rat by the throat
McCoy: Rat old bean for it to be something I have to see it would have to be Jesus Christ doing the Macarena on my card table with a topless go go girl slapping him on the arse.
Rat: It's not that Skipper
McCoy: Then it better come bloody close.

Middenrat and McCoy (now dressed in smoking jacket) head for the old dungeon aka Rat's workshop.

Rat: Skipper I've come up with a new engine that creates 1200bhp but only uses a quarter of the fuel the other cars do.
McCoy: Egads man
Rat: Impressed?
McCoy: No just this isn't blowing me skirt up old bean.
Rat: See skipper it works on the wankel engine principal but runs off bio diesel so not only is it more powerful it will save the environment.
McCoy: Who else knows about this?
Rat: Just you and me
McCoy: Keep it that way and you'll be rewarded handsomely
Rat: What...... you mean a new Hot Dog Wagon
McCoy: Yes yes just make sure you submit the patents in SpankyTechs name.

Will the FIA discover the no good eco skullduggary before the 69er takes to the grid?.
Will Middenrat's family persuade him to cash in on the groundbreaking design?
Will McCoy get back to sleep before Jeremy Kyle comes on?

Find out on next months The Adventures of Spanky McCoy (and Middenrat) Gentlemen Racers.
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Middenrat
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*sighs* that apple brandy we liberated from old Enzo's wallsafe (behind the picture of Mussolini) made for quite a night!
The Skipper's recollections are a leetle clouded, however.
'1200' is what we owe the Talent Agency for the strippers and worth every penny considering the finale act utilising the contents of our Snap-On Tools cabinet (fine use of the 8" Adjustable, Thelma! )
'Bio-diesel', well that's just old chip fat from the midfield burger stand. The paddock monkey bike runs fine on it since we shoehorned a WD H-D 750 PanHead into it.
And a 'Wankel'? Well what would you do after after a show like Thelma's?
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bunsenjetson



Joined: 12 Aug 2007
Posts: 1119
Location: Stuart Hall

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I worry. I really do. Always brightens up my session though .....
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Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bunsenjetson wrote:
I worry. I really do. Always brightens up my session though .....


Glad it brightens up the brief moments before the "fair usage" Nazis clamp down on your browsing. Laughing
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Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Middenrat wrote:
*sighs* that apple brandy we liberated from old Enzo's wallsafe (behind the picture of Mussolini) made for quite a night!
The Skipper's recollections are a leetle clouded, however.
'1200' is what we owe the Talent Agency for the strippers and worth every penny considering the finale act utilising the contents of our Snap-On Tools cabinet (fine use of the 8" Adjustable, Thelma! )
'Bio-diesel', well that's just old chip fat from the midfield burger stand. The paddock monkey bike runs fine on it since we shoehorned a WD H-D 750 PanHead into it.
And a 'Wankel'? Well what would you do after after a show like Thelma's?


It's all starting to come flooding back to me now.................................or is that the mushrooms I had with breakfast Shocked
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Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Since SpankyTech racing has two F1 teams entered in this years event he needs to find another 3 drivers and as McCoy is known for his phenomenal frugality when it comes to paying drivers he starts a reality TV show to get some new drivers thus saving on playboy drivers wages.

McCoy: Rat old bean since you're running SpankyTech Eyetie Racing I've decided I'm going to make you lead driver for that team.
Rat: Skipper what can I say I'm overcome with emotion *sobs*
McCoy: Yes, yes thank me later you've got to go and hire someone to cover your shifts on the Burger Van during race times.
Rat: Right enough, wonder what Schumacher is doing?.

So you want to be an F1 driver is shown on ITV7 (after repeats of Jeremy Kyle) there are only five applicants for McCoy and Rat to sift through

Contestant 1: SoSteve a young an upcoming driver on the TM circuit who alledgedly has tourettes although McCoy thinks he just likes to swear a lot.

Contestant 2: Dutchy, likes to dress up as Zorro but he can drive and he'll be cheap.

Contestant 3: One time Track Idol winner BunsenJetson he has a gammy foot and an addiction to niche porn but that is no worse than the gout McCoy has and the shipping containers worth of porn Rat takes to all the races.

Contestant 4: Jawz, McCoy is fairly sure he is the FIA's spy due to the fact he always has a look of suspicion on his face and wants to know how everything works, that and he is frequently found pretending that Rats office is the toilet claiming he is trying to dry his hands on blueprints he thought were hand towels.

Contestant 5: DaMadman out on parole after shooting contestant No 3 in the foot, he has a quick fire temper and a passion for driving almost as hammered as McCoy does.

Next week the 5 contestants will be put through their paces in go karts where one will be knocked out of the competition.
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Spanky_McCoy
Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
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Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 7:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

After the shock poaching of Middenrat to Green Missile Racing the team of McCoy’s arch nemesis DaCheese or to use his real title the 4th Duke of Fromage. Spankytech racing are having a crisis meeting.

McCoy: Right fellas Rat has gone and betrayed us for money so I’ve come up with a new strategy for the season.
Dutchy: Kill Rat?
McCoy: Got it in one old bean.
Bunsen: Seems a bit unfair to me really.
McCoy: How does a £1m bonus to the man who takes him off the track make you feel?.
Bunsen: Oh he’s dead.
HotSWAT: What about all the car designs he took with him.
McCoy: I wouldn’t worry Cheesey likes to build his own cars and for some inexplicable reason paints them all green.
Dutchy: Green missile Racing seems pretty self explanatory to me.
McCoy: Well thanks for the insight Master of the Obvious

Unexpectedly a rather sombre looking Middenrat shuffles into the room

McCoy: Look out for a legion of Romans and a couple of 2x4's chaps, Judas just came in.
Rat: Skipper I’ve just came to collect my things.
McCoy: Oh
Rat: It doesn’t have to be like this we can still be friends.
McCoy: I can’t promise that, not when I see you with…………him.
Rat: Oh ok
McCoy: I boxed up everything, it’s in that box in the corner.

Rat picks up the box and has a quick look

Rat: What about my Earth Wind and Fire cd and the fondue set.
McCoy: I’ll think you’ll find they were a present to both of us from Kays Catalogue for the advertising we did.
Rat: Fair enough skipper
McCoy: Ahhh no you can’t call me Skipper, HotSWAT can call me skipper, Bunsen can call me skipper, Dutchy can call me skipper they're loyal and don’t get swayed by such things as a salary.

Rat shuffles off to the Green Missles limo

Bunsen: I’m welling up here.
Dutchy: It is rather moving isn’t it.
Bunsen: No it’s that fondue set it reeks hasn’t be cleaned in years by the look of it.

Can SpankyTech recover in time for the next GP
Can Middenrat convince McCoy not to kill him
Can HotSWAT remember to turn up on time
Can Dutchy put up with all the Musical Youth jokes made by Spanky and Bunsen
Find out this and more in the next episode………………………….
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Middenrat
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

considering hiring Hermes Girl for some minding duties. 17 stone and cauliflower ears, y'know.
oh, and the Burger Stand comes with me. you can keep Schumacker Razz
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DaCheese



Joined: 05 Sep 2007
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Location: GMR Towers, South Shropshire, UK.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 11:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


2008 GMR-UOP car.
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Dutchy



Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Posts: 345
Location: Northamptonshire, UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Reports that Sato has been hired to fly into corners behind Mid shouting "Banzai" are totally unfounded.
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bunsenjetson



Joined: 12 Aug 2007
Posts: 1119
Location: Stuart Hall

PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smile Quite a sensitive portrait actually. Quite spooky.

I don't think we need to worry about Midando Alonso there. He's denying he has a get-out clause, but we all know the truth.
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