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The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Several months have passed, in the intervening period JawZ got shot down when he remembered to come back to pick up McCoy and Bunsen. They found him several days later after he destroyed a north korean tank with his bare hands due to red bull withdrawal symptoms. Now that all three are on the run in a hostile country with little to no hope of rescue they contemplate giving up.

JawZ: I say we hand ourselves in.
McCoy: Never
Bunsen: No wait he may have a point we're down to our last packet of fishermans friends and we have barely enough gin left for you to have a bright idea, I think we have to surrender and hope diplomacy can save us.
McCoy: Diplomacy, jesus wept Bunsen old bean this country literally doesn't know the meaning of the word.
JawZ: Yeah supreme leader did shoot his uncle for being a porn freak
McCoy: Exactly what do you think they'll do to us.
Bunsen: Well what else do you want to do.

Meanwhile in Washington D.C the crisis room Pentagon

President Obama: So what you're telling me is those three guys on the satellite feed are the only people who can save this planet.
General: Intel suggests that the only person who has the technology and ability to use it to avert the impending crisis is Sir Samuel Peter Anthony Nigel Kane Yoko McCoy.
President: Awwwwww damn.

Back in North Korea

McCoy: Right gents so we've established that surrendering is going to = death in a bad way and we all know I'm allergic to that so other options are a) keep legging it b) wait out the current regime see if they become more reasonable c) try and get an ally to come get us
Bunsen: I'm with C to be honest, getting a bit fed up of all the running and hiding.
JawZ: Yeah plan C
McCoy: Excellent now who has a phone so I can call someone, yeah boys plan C is great as a long as we have a working satellite phone which last time I checked we don't.
JawZ: What about mine?.
Bunsen: What do you mean yours, we've been running around North Korea for bleeding months and you have a working phone.
JawZ: Well you never bloody asked did you.
McCoy: Let me at him I'm going to bloody kill him.

10 mins much punches thrown and a strop later, the phone rings.

JawZ: Hello, no this isn't he, can I get him, yeah suppose, whom shall I say is calling, right ok.........................boss its Ballacks Abumma.
McCoy: Who the bleeding hell is Ballacks Abumma.
JawZ: Hang on I'll ask, yeah who are you, oh right, no didn't know that, I'll tell him.
Bunsen: Give him the sodding phone.
McCoy: Yes hello, oh Barack Obama you say, must be a bad line we thought you were a gay German for a minute there. Ahh yes this is he, hmmm yeah we would be interested in popping by for a chat but we're in a bit of a pickle at the moment, oh you know do you, how about a lift, that's excellent, ta ta for now.
Bunsen: Well?
McCoy: Turns out the Americans have a crisis they want us to have a look at and they're going to send some seals to get us, must be genetically engineered seal or something, tow us out to a sub.
JawZ: *sighs* No boss seals are the yanks answer to the SAS.
McCoy: Are they by jove learn something new everyday.

14 hours later and the rather smelly trio are sitting on an air craft carrier in the south china sea.

McCoy: What do you mean the earth comes to an end a week on Tuesday. I've got something on.

Will the Americans let slip what the hassle is
Will McCoy be able to reshuffle his plans
Will Bunsen be able to explain where he's been for the last few months

Find out probably the first one in the next apocalyptic episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy Gentleman Racer
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Joined: 29 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 4:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sweeet a new entry. sweet will i have to wait till 2015 for next post Very Happy

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Spam King

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Posts: 803

PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 10:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quite a revelation on the name thing...
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JawZ wrote:
sweeet a new entry. sweet will i have to wait till 2015 for next post Very Happy

I actually know where I'm going so hold on to your beret.

msquires wrote:

Quite a revelation on the name thing...

Keep up old bean that was in a previous episode Laughing
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

24 Hours later and after a quick wash McCoy, Bunsen and JawZ appear in the Pentagon crisis room for a presentation.

President: Thank you gentlemen for coming at such short notice.
Bunsen: Thanks for picking us up from North Korea, no cabs would stop.
President: Eh, yes no problem. Gentlemen what do you know about project damocles?.

As the gathered Americans scan the faces of their three guests they see. Bunsen - blank look, JawZ - yawn then a blank look, McCoy shifting in his chair and twiddling his thumbs but remaining quiet.

President: Nothing I take it, well project damocles is a network of satellites orbiting the planet, these satellites to all intents and purposes are communication platforms...........apart from the plasma pulse cannon and siesmic disrupters mounted on each one.

McCoy is clearly more agitated in his chair.

President: Now you would think this network of death dealing wonder would belong to a nation or defensive pact like NATO, wouldn't you?.

McCoy: Is profusely sweating.

Bunsen: *looking at McCoy* Jesus Christ not again.
McCoy: Nothing to do with me, no no no, nothing to do with me.
JawZ: You haven't looked this agitated since the Kerry Katona fatal accident inquiry.

President: Luckily for us we managed to find out about project damocles after intercepting international fugitives raiding one of your container ships off the west coast of Africa. The materials in their possession indicated the potential of your network and where it was currently aimed. They even had an app for their phone but they couldn't work out your pin.

McCoy: *muttering under his breath* Cheese
President: I'm sorry, we didn't quite catch that.
McCoy: Ehm sorry Cheese, my arch nemesis he's trying to frame me.
President: Ahh yes Damian Cheese aka Da Cheese aka The Duke of Fromage, Count of Camembert, Earl of Edam. We did look into this for his involvement but a porn and cider magnate doesn't have the resources to launch a network of over 200 satellites.
McCoy: He does when his chum is trying to gain control of my company and have me declared legally dead.
President: Yes the court hearing is today, when he gains control of your company he'll be able to force your italian oddjob man to open the vault and get access to all your toys. It's at this point things turn ugly, while you were a self serving, egotistical son of a &*@# you didn't at least outwardly threaten the worlds safety. Unfortunately for us your ex technical director wants a lot more cash than he currently has access to which means he's blackmailing us.
McCoy: Today!. Sweet jesus *scans the room for an exit, his eyes fall on the table with all the stuff confiscated from the boat*. Sorry Barack old bean but I don't see what I can do from here *gets up and wanders across to desk and picks up a tablet computer* I mean without access to my office I can't look into these things for you *walks round behind Bunsen and JawZ while tapping away on the tablet* What I do promise you is when I get back to blighty I'll give you a bell and straighten everything out.
President: No way Sir you're not going anywhere.
McCoy: Well it does seem that way doesn't it *presses tablet screen*

The room begins to shake violently and a ball of light envelopes McCoy, JawZ and Bunsen, it rapidly shinks and with a loud parp all three are gone.

President: God damn it does nobody check what this stuff does or at least take the damn battery out, where the hell did they go. I want everyone looking for those three right down to the guys who give parking tickets out. Find them and find them now.

Professor Van Dreever: President, may I bring your attention to some observations we have made while Sir McCoy was with us.
President: Lay it on me we've got nothing else at the minute.
Prof: We covertly took DNA samples and had them tested, what we found was quite disturbing.
President: You had to covertly take samples, damn it you walk into any strip club within a thousand miles of the man and you'll pick up his DNA.
Prof: Indeed, what we found is he has been genetically engineered. While he is definitely a product of the copulation of his parents his dna has been altered since.
President: My god how is that possible.
Prof: Well earlier efforts like Michael Jackson and Bjork proved unsuccesful because they were too damn freaky where McCoy's father succeeded was in being able to create sequences which allowed him to tap into a greater percentage of his brain. Note when he was in the chair tapping his feet furiously and shaking. To a layman it was a drunk needing a drink, our research shows he is using a fight or flight reflex to calculate an escape. We believe this is subconscious because the vast majority of the time he has lackys doing his dirty work and he's never really in harms way but when he is he can either work an escape or call upon immense fighting skills he probably isn't aware he has.
President: So you're saying we're looking for a genius level, genetically engineered superman?.
Prof: No we're looking for a drunken coward who can occasionally do something clever or kick someone in the head.
President: That's not so bad then.

Meanwhile in the bahamas.

McCoy: Wooooo what a rush that was
Bunsen: What the........
JawZ: My god what
Bunsen: What the.........
JawZ: I mean god what
Bunsen: What the..........................christ just happened *checks all his limbs are still in place*
McCoy: That gents was the SpankyTech teleportation thingy. Never got it to work before now.
Bunsen: What do you mean before now, what happened before when you tried it.
McCoy: Lets not concern ourselves with those poor people.
JawZ: Whaaaa

Will the Americans track McCoy to his Bahamas bar and grill (don't worry there is a secret lair underneath it)
Will Bunsen throttle McCoy
Will JawZ be able to get a red bull and settle down.

Find out some of these in the next reality twisting episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy International Fugitive.
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 2:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bunsen and JawZ have finally calmed down after a couple of mojitos and slapping McCoy.

McCoy: Right ladies have we calmed down yet, is one forgiven for saving your bacon?.
JawZ: Saving our bacon, we hadn't done anything wrong it was you they were talking to.
McCoy: Hadn't done anything wrong!
Bunsen: Exactly, not a thing.
McCoy: Oh really chaps, shall I run down the top five things you pair have done that they'd happily land you in Guantanemo for. Shall we go there, shall we?.
Bunsen: You're going to talk about the alamo aren't you.
McCoy: Sure am.
JawZ: Hey, we said we'd never talk about the alamo again.
McCoy: Well you two get on board then and it'll never get brought up again.
Bunsen: Fair enough, right whats the plan.
McCoy: We need eyes an ears on Cheese and Mid, we need to know what they're up to.
JawZ: I'll google them.
McCoy: Eh, google them. Blazes man we need to hack the mainframe, find a friendly face in the organisation, get snitches, wire taps, live video. What the hell will google be able to tell us that is of any tactical use.
JawZ: Uhm well your missus is marrying Mid tomorrow at St Paul's Cathedral. That is what google told us.
McCoy: Marrying her, jesus he is taking this all the way isn't he.
Bunsen: Well he can't get control of SpankyTech unless he buys her out or marries her and she sticks him in charge. They must have managed to have you declared legally dead.
McCoy: Right chaps we're going to crash the wedding. Let's do an inventory of whats in this here bolt hole.

2 hours and a bottle of rum later.

Bunsen: Right we've got plenty of small arms, plenty of ammo but transportation is going to be an issue. Just to lay this out early doors I'm not keen on teleportation.
JawZ: Me either.
McCoy: Don't worry boys that was a one shot deal it's out of juice. No we're going to need a battering ram, something with plenty of power yet agile at the same time. What vehicles we got.
JawZ: A mini moke that the local SpankyTech rep seem to use to sleep in, one of the GP series cars with the funky engine and a stealth jet according to our manifest.
McCoy: Where is it
Bunsen: It's in stealth mode, we can't see it but if we walk around for a while we may bump into it.
McCoy: How many bloody times do I have to tell these clowns you don't leave it in stealth mode. The amount of these jets we've mislaid is astonishing.
JawZ: Right so if we find it I assume we're going to use it.
McCoy: Yup and the moke and the gravatonic engine.
Bunsen: Why not just use the GP car it's already got the engine and a shedload of weapons in it.
McCoy: Only has one seat old bean and for ground assault which is you and I then I assumed you wouldn't want to sit on my knee.
Bunsen: Fair point but I don't think we're going to be able to get all that stuff into the moke, can't we just add another seat to the GP car.
McCoy: Be honest kind of had my heart set on using the moke.
Bunsen: Jesus Christ, I wonder I really wonder about you.

Meanwhile in London Middenrat is meeting with Cheese at the back entrance to SpankyTech's super secret warehouse.

Mid: Right boss we've got the key cards we need to get into the extra special vault.
Cheese: Oooh what's in there?.
Mid: No idea guvnor lets go have a look.

and back in the Bahamas

McCoy: I really hope they don't get into the super secret vault.
JawZ: Why did you say that.
McCoy: Dunno old bean think it may crop up later.

Will Cheese find the super secret vaults light switch
Will Mid really have to marry Dame McCoy
Will Bunsen try and get out of driving the mini moke

Find out all of this in the next Spanktastic episode of The Adventures of Sir Spanky McCoy International Fugitive.
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

McCoy, Bunsen and Jawz are going over the "plan" for operation melt cheese.

JawZ: Right so I'm flying the plane, that's established.
McCoy: Yes
Bunsen: And I'm driving the moke
McCoy: Yes
JawZ: And you're doing what?.
McCoy: I'm manning the cannon on the moke.
JawZ: So what am I doing in the plane then?.
McCoy: You provide air support for me and chummy there to bust into St Paul's and dish out some revenge.
Bunsen: No, we've established I am not involved in any blood feud with Cheese and the Mid posse. I'll drive you there and I might ask some people not to shoot you but that's pretty much where it ends.
McCoy: You know you used to be fun, what happened to that guy.
Bunsen: He doesn't like jail or the death penalty.
JawZ: Right so I'm providing air support but we're not likely to encounter any aircraft on Cheese's side he's only got that hot air balloon shaped like an Edam.
McCoy: Yeah I know but what else you going to do.

Meanwhile in London and inside the super secret SpankyTech vault

Mid: Holy crap Cheese, we've got loads of anti aircraft stuff and autonomous drones. If the skipper should turn up he'll have a hard time getting past these.
Cheese: You're never going to believe this.
Mid: What
Cheese: Just looking at where we're actually standing and it's Greenwich right.
Mid: Yeah so what.
Cheese: We're right under the Millenium Dome.
Mid: Hide in plain sight he always said.
Cheese: According to this schematic a SpankyTech subsidiary built the Millenium dome, but that's not all they built. It's sitting on top of a massive warship that not only has flight capability it also has enough guns to make the Americans envious. I'm telling you old friend I have a good feeling about tomorrow.
Mid: So this isn't a vault so to speak it's a massive airship. Isn't it lucky I found the keys.
Cheese: Hehehehehehe Not for McCoy, I think his luck has just run out.

Elsewhere in London the COBRA emergency meeting has just been called.

David Cameron: Right so the intelligence community says Sir McCoy is alive and well and probably coming back to London to try and kill his arch Nemesis the Duke of Cheese.
MI6 chief: Pretty much the size of it.
David Cameron: Boris contingency plan do we have in place for such an event.
Boris Johnson: Uhm well we at the Mayors office have never planned for the worlds largest arms dealer deciding to attack St Pauls to ruin a wedding. So in short we've got nothing.
David Cameron: Suggestions anyone.
Boris: Let's all leave town until the day after tomorrow.
Cameron: Yeah I'm all for that evacuate London.

Will the Government evacuate London before McCoy and the funky bunch arrive.
Will Cheese figure out how to fly the Millenium Dome.
Will Mid realise that something Blue isn't a filthy limerick.

Find out some of these things real soon in the next landmark destroying episode of The Adventures of Sir Spanky McCoy wedding crasher.
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2014 9:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Bahamas 6.30am, a heavily modified mini moke is getting lashed underneath a jet fighter.

McCoy: They'll never know what hit them.

In London underneath the Millenium Dome

Cheese: Here Mid have a look at twitter, Sir Drinksalot is slinging a mini moke under a jet fighter on the beach in the Bahamas. Well we'll have a nice welcoming party for those clowns.
Mid: Look just make sure you don't play our best hand until we've got him cut off. Right I better slope off and do the whole wedding thing before he gets here.
Cheese: I really didn't think you would marry her.
Mid: Well I will be for a couple of hours tops then the Gaffer will get blamed for her untimely demise at the hands of one of his missiles as revenge for signing everything over to me. *hahahahahaha*
Cheese: Devious, I like it, I like it a lot.

Over the Atlantic

McCoy: Right JawZ you know the drill the second you drop us go to stealth mode and gain altitude to provide air support should we need it.
JawZ: ok dokey
Bunsen: whoa hold on wait. Drop us?.
McCoy: Yeah drop us, what's wrong this bloody time.
Bunsen: Can't he land somewhere out of town and we drive in?.
McCoy: Haha, yeah where is the fun in that. Right guys comms silence from now on, JawZ take it to 100 feet off the deck and we'll climb down to the moke.
Bunsen: Eh what, why do we never do anything the sensible, safe way. Oh sod it, why change the way we do business now.

Middenrat's car pulls up outside St Paul's and quickly nips off to one side to speak to his security detail.

Middenrat: Right chaps, should Sir McCoy get past our welcoming committee you boys will have to shut him down fast, I'm authorising lethal force here, no tazers, cs gas any of that crap just kill him and make it really bleeding painful. Ok, we got that, great lets go.

At the back of the group of security guards two familiar faces tag along with them into the main hall.

Belial: Do you think we should phone posh lad and tell him.
Tred: The fact he got us to come down here would make me think he's already got something lined up. I'm just keeping a low profile when the fireworks start.
Belial: Low profile, you've not been with this crew long have you.

Cheese sits in the main control room at the Millenium dome vault.

Lacky 1: Sir, they're on approach to London at the moment, shall we engage?.
Cheese: Not yet, let them get closer I don't want them to escape. All drones ready for launch, anti aircraft battery on heat seaking, they'll go to stealth the second they commence ground assault. Lift off airship I want us to give them the full shock and awe *smug grin*

The SpankyTech crew clear the suburbs and approach Greenwich.

JawZ: Ready to drop, wait a mo, what the hell is that?.
Bunsen: My God.
Spanky: Oh buggar.

BBC News *breaking news*
Sophie Raworth: After the shock evacuation of London we've now received reports that the o2 arena has lifted off from the ground in Greenwich. Scattered reports from people who refused to leave London claim that it is now firing upon a jet fighter towing a mini moke. We can only assume that Sir Spanky McCoy has arrived in London after his return from the dead and just in time to stop his wife from marrying his former friend and employee Mr Midden Rat OBE. We'll do our very best to keep you informed of the unfolding events as this crisis progresses.

Dan: *changing channels* Pffft, snookers on.

Will JawZ be able to evade 100 heat seaking missiles?.
Will Bunsen manage to disengage the lifting line on the moke before air sickness overcomes him?.
Will McCoy get to the church on time?.

Find out some of this in the next zeppelintastic episode of The Adventures of Sir Spanky McCoy Back from the dead and loving it.
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2018 2:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Almost three years on from the Battle of London the country is still rebuilding. The millenium dome was replaced with a memorial to the widely recognised hero of the day Sir Spanky McCoy who bravely sacrificed himself to stop The Duke of Fromage from accidently destroying the world through not reading the instructions properly. The inquiry into the event is drawing to a close.

Judge: Mr Jawz on the day in question can you tell me what you remember of the events at St Paul's Cathedral
JawZ: To be honest m'lud I was providing air support all I remember was watching the skipper pinch a suzuki off some paparazzi and ride it up the dome at St Paul's then onto the millenium dome which was overhead.
Judge: In your view was he trying to stop the conflict which had been initiated by his return from the dead?
JawZ: I imagine once he'd stopped the nuptials he wanted to try and get back his airship.
Judge: TV footage shows once he'd managed to get inside that dome rapidly ascended into the upper atmosphere and subsequently exploded, the only survivor was The Duke of Fromage known to you as DaCheese.
JawZ: Well he probably knew how to fly it better than Cheese did so I imagine it was deliberate what he did.

Bunsen is getting interviewed by Piers Morgan

Morgan: Your relationship with Sir McCoy was widely known to be fractious, do you think that he started to listen to you and your moral compass that day in London, did he see the tragedy coming and selflessly sacrificed himself to save all those people below?
Bunsen: Well Piers I like to think after all those occasions he actively did the opposite of what I said he finally saw the big picture that the world wasn't for him to exploit and abuse but it was something for a man with considerable resources to save and protect.
Morgan: Do you miss him?
Bunsen: Every damn day Piers, every day.............he was very rich he picked up the tab a lot.

What actually happened

McCoy has managed to get on board the Millenium dome a brief struggle ensues with the henchman Cheese has crewing it.

Cheese: It's too late you utter B&*$^d I've set this thing to blow that church and your entire family back to the stone ages.
McCoy: What about Mid, he's down there too are you really going to take out your long term chum and consigliere?
Cheese: He had one thing to do, all he had to do was stop you getting in that church and him plus 40 highly priced killers couldn't manage it so he had his chance.
McCoy: What happened to you old chum, you were only interested in big jubblies and fizzy scrumpy. Where has all this kill, kill genocide chat come from?
Cheese: I've seen it McCoy I've seen your world and it's beautiful, fast cars, fast women, expensive crap that blows stuff up and I want it now, but not if you're still around to spoil it.

With that Cheese draws a revolver and shoots at McCoy, he spins round and falls over the control panel.

Cheese: You know the best part old bean, you get the blame for all that's about to happen and there isn't a thing you can do it about.

Cheese laughs in a quite maniacal fashion as he gets into the last escape pod and launches himself out of the dome.

McCoy stirs on the floor and climbs back up to the controls.

McCoy: He's a terrible shot that man. Right lets get this thing out of here before my insurance excess gets eye watering.

The Millenium dome rapidly ascends high into the sky and explodes, flaming debris rains down over the south of England.

What happens next surprises and pleases everyone apart from Dame McCoy who got nothing not even a call from Middenrat. Once McCoy was gone his SpankyTech empire was sold off and the proceeds went into a fund to get the participants of the Jeremy Kyle show proper dentist care. Women everywhere started hashtagging #metoo in solidarity with other women McCoy had been inappropriate with. Claims of children fathered by McCoy shot up 3000% in a month, his trust fund closed financial support to all claimants swiftly thereafter.

Every September JawZ and Bunsen go on a fishing trip off the west coast of Scotland, they drink a lot and reminisce about the days when McCoy would almost get them both killed.

JawZ: You know I still think the skipper wasn't all bad
Bunsen: Oh hogwash, everything he did was a self indulgent act. If he did something nice it was an inadvertant by product of something heinous and terrible. He was an utter swine and you know it.
JawZ: Well what about saving London, he didn't have to do that he could have jumped right back out or got me to go and get him at the escape hatch hidden next to the bridge.
Bunsen: Lets be honest now, he probably did try and get out, he likely did have a plan but it got screwed up and he was stuck with doing the right thing and anyway he didn't get you to go and get him..............wait a minute did he?
JawZ: No, not at all I was busy, didn't have time.
Bunsen: He did, you went and got him just in the nick of time when none of us could see it. Where the hell is he?
JawZ: Look he wants to stay gone, he likes the simple life. He's pared back his complicated existence. Leave it be.
Bunsen: Seriously chum, where the hell is he.
JawZ: *sighs* he's impersonating Trump and got elected President of the United States, he's fanning the flames of conflict so he can start up SpankyTech again after his family screwed up and flogged everything since they thought he'd found the path of righteousness.
Bunsen: *jaw hanging down* now the grab them by the pussy quote makes sense.

Will Bunsen spill the beans
Will JawZ get silenced
Will McCoy get caught

Find out potentially some of this in the Adventures of Spanky McCoy Presidential Impersonator
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Dale Earnhardt

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh hell yeah, I forgot how much I missed the adventures of Spanky McCoy. Can't wait for another in 3-4 years, hopefully
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2018 8:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The basement of the White House 19th of March 2018

Donald Trump is sitting on the toilet when he hears a knock on the door.

Trump: I'm not finished yet
McCoy: Come on the Donald you only get 10 minutes out of the cell a day. I'm busy and I can't keep taking time out of my day to come and chit chat with you.
Trump: God damn you McCoy, you're ruining my country.
McCoy: To be fair old bean I only took over after the election and your efforts to repeal cheap healthcare. I'm a swine but I'm not that bad.
Trump: What's the end game here, what are you doing?
McCoy: Well my well meaning but stupid family sold off the vast majority of my assets apart from a frankly huge country manor and my rights to the Beatles back catalogue so I need front money Donald. You're rich enough, in a position of power that I can exploit and stupid enough to believe an intern wanted to go pee pee on you down here so I could intercept you and take your place.
Trump: I still don't get it.
McCoy: Sweet jesus, me need money, you got money, me take your money, cause lot of trouble, start up big multinational arms company and make loads more money.
Trump: Oh yeah, so what next.
McCoy: Christ Donald I don't explain all of my plans, imagine if someone came down here one day and found you, I'd have some job explaining there being two of us. Then there is Melania.
Trump: You keep your hands off Melania, when I get out of here I'm going to go biblical on you McCoy.
McCoy: Trumpy, Trumpy, Trumpy don't worry I haven't laid a finger on her and it wasn't for the want of trying old bean. She really, genuinely hates your guts. Anyway I've got to go and phone Putin and congratulate him on his win, get some more evidence of his helping you and plot my exit right before I get, no wait you get impeached. As my old friend Middenrat would say Jobs a good un. Now hurry up I've got to get back on twitter.

Will McCoy's plan work?
Will Donald get out of the cleaners cupboard?
Will we find out what happened to Cheese?

Find some of this out in the next stupendous episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy International agent provacateur.
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Site Admin

Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 1337
Location: Scotland

PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2018 9:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i can't believe this is still going.. what will happen next? how many people will find this post before the next millennia? it's true I hope that most of the crew are still alive but like dambusters we are becoming a rare species.
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2018 7:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mad wrote:
i can't believe this is still going.. what will happen next? how many people will find this post before the next millennia? it's true I hope that most of the crew are still alive but like dambusters we are becoming a rare species.

I do it for the fans old chum Laughing

Last time I updated it I noticed there was over 60k views which can only mean a lot of spambots have been visiting this thread.

I'm actually quite chuffed the old forum is still here. Hard to believe it's been over 10 years since I first visited mad laps.

Anyway enough reminiscing. Next episode coming up.
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2018 9:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Saturday 19th of May, Windsor UK

McCoy is sitting across from the entrance to St George's Chapel amongst the crowds of wellwishers on one of those fold up chairs you get at Aldi, he has stolen it from an nonagenarian ww2 veteran.

McCoy: *swigging from a bottle of gin* I should be there you know, I would have got an invite.
Wellwisher 1: Why have you done charity work or are you a celebrity
McCoy: Charity work! a celebrity! my god dear woman I'm bloody infamous me. I transcend the mere concept of celebrity and charity.
Wellwisher 1: Oh have you been on Big Brother or the Chase?
McCoy: What, Big Brother and the Chase, well I have as it happens but that's not what people know me for. Anyway you wouldn't be interested *he leans over to another wellwisher on the other side* here you, you got any lime for my gin?
Wellwisher 2: I am sorry I do not have any fruit with me. I couldn't help but overhear that you are famous, you wouldn't happen to be Sir Spanky McCoy racing driver and arms dealer would you?
McCoy: No my names Dave and I make cheese in an artisan cheesery in Little Diddle on the Wold.
Wellwisher 2: I thought you couldn't be him as he was killed saving London.
McCoy: He was a lovely chap, wasn't he.
Wellwisher 2: Not especially but he did stop the millenium dome landing on my house so I suppose he did something right for once.
McCoy looks to his other side again and notices that the old lady that was beside him has moved and been replaced by a rather large man in an ill fitting suit.
Big guy: Afternoon
McCoy: Good day to you
Big guy: You know you look like that Spanky McCoy guy that almost wrecked London and killed Kerry Katona
McCoy: It's Sir
Big guy: Yewhat?
McCoy: It's Sir Spanky McCoy and no I am not he.
Big guy: Knighthood got taken off him
McCoy: What! when did that happen?
Big guy: During the public inquiry, surprised you didn't hear about it.
McCoy: Been busy in the states old bean, must have missed that.
Big guy: Anyway, I've got someone that wants to speak to you.
McCoy: Sorry old chum I'm a bit busy at the moment, hang on is that Idris Elba


Two hours later McCoy awakens strapped to a chair surrounded by more burly types.

McCoy: Oh I've seen this before gents, who is the mysterious person about to come in and taunt me. It's Cheese isn't it.
Theresa May: I'm afraid MR McCoy it isn't Cheese as he is safely secured in a black site prison overseas for his role in the London incident. Which as I'm sure you are aware is somewhere you should be right now.
McCoy: About that Mrs May, you see I was merely passing by and felt I had to intervene to avert disaster.
May: With an experimental stealth aircraft, weapons of mass destruction and a mini moke?
McCoy: It's a dangerous place London for a man of means.
May: Anyway I digress, gentlemen lets get that information we require.
McCoy: If you're away to waterboard me, pull out my finger nails etc etc don't bother just ask away, I will probably answer.
May: Waterboard him anyway.

May leaves the room as a lot of commotion starts occuring, two minutes later McCoy comes wandering out armed with everyones guns.

May: My god how did you escape?
McCoy: You know everyone asks that and I have absolutely no idea. Anyway I've got places to be so catch you next time I'm in town and you can count on that.

As McCoy wanders out of the building and is immediately fired upon by May's back up security detail.

McCoy: Knew I should have stayed in Washington

Will McCoy escape?
Will Trump manage to hold it in until someone finds him in the basement?
Will Cheese manage to get released?

Find out at least one of the answers to those questions in the next episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy no longer a knight of the realm.
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Dale Earnhardt

Joined: 12 Aug 2007
Posts: 189
Location: Belchertown, MA

PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spanky_McCoy wrote:
mad wrote:
i can't believe this is still going.. what will happen next? how many people will find this post before the next millennia? it's true I hope that most of the crew are still alive but like dambusters we are becoming a rare species.

I do it for the fans old chum Laughing

Last time I updated it I noticed there was over 60k views which can only mean a lot of spambots have been visiting this thread.

I'm actually quite chuffed the old forum is still here. Hard to believe it's been over 10 years since I first visited mad laps.

Anyway enough reminiscing. Next episode coming up.

Actually 50k of those 60k were just me furiously refreshing the page in anticipation. Will say though, every time I visit the forum I get nostalgic and have the urge to boot TM up, sad that nobody plays anymore.
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2019 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

McCoy having managed to evade the Prime Minister's protection detail is on the run.

Currently sitting off the west coast of Scotland Bunsen and Jawz are having another fishing trip.

JawZ: You caught anything yet
Bunsen: The bloody cold and that's about it
JawZ: I thought I'd got a shark earlier but it was a tyre
Bunsen: Look chum I've been thinking about this and I think it's time we knock these fishing trips on the head. I'm sure you're fed up seeing me and remembering the skipper and all the daft crap we did.

*daft crap is shouted from outside the boat*

Bunsen: Jesus you're good at ventriloquism
JawZ: Wasn't me, was just going to say yeah lets stop this *wiping away a tear*
McCoy pulls himself up onto the side of the boat, Bunsen screams and hits him with his flask.

15 minutes later once they dragged McCoy into the boat

Bunsen: Where in the name of Christ did you come from and how did you find us.
McCoy: You use my bloody boat old bean I've got a GPS tracker on it
JawZ: Correction, my boat I got it in your will
McCoy: I'm not bleeding dead
JawZ: In the eyes of the law you are
McCoy: You knew I wasn't dead the whole bleeding time.
JawZ: Oh did I, prove it.
Bunsen: Let's move on. Right you're not dead and you're clearly not impersonating Trump anymore so what are you doing here.
McCoy: I'm putting the band back together.
Bunsen: No, no chance, not happening, it will be the coldest day in hell before I do one damn thing with you.
McCoy: Pays 1bn..........each.
Bunsen: What's the plan?
McCoy: Right gents remember when we used the teleportation device (see top of page 13 for anyone who gives a monkeys)
Bunsen: No bloody way am I doing that again, I still think something isn't right after that.
JawZ: Oh shut up and listen to him, 40% of the time at least his plans almost come off.
McCoy: Really 40%, you pair are still living so my hit rate can't be that bad. Anyway, the teleporter, we're going to use it to inflitrate the secret vault in Greenwich
JawZ: Cheese found that one
McCoy: No he found the one next to that one, the one they haven't found has pretty much exactly what we need to allow me to take everything I lost back.
Bunsen: Don't give a monkeys as long as it has my billion quid in it.
JawZ: On a point of logic. Why do you need to teleport into the vault if you know where it is and how to access it already.
McCoy: Like you said I'm dead and the vault knows that because it would have been locked down automatically on reports of my demise. If anyone claiming to be me strode up to it and knocked on the door the security systems would kill them.
JawZ: Sound reasoning then skipper.
Bunsen: So where do we start?
McCoy: Rockall
Bunsen: Hey no need for that, I only asked
McCoy: No we need to go to Rockall, everything we need is there.

Will JawZ let McCoy steer their small boat to Rockall
Will the SAS catch up with McCoy
Will Bunsen get paid

Find out probably none of these things in the next fantastical episode of The Adventures of former Knight of the realm Spanky McCoy Gentleman pauper.
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Dirty Deeds Done Cheap(ish)

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1401
Location: Fortress Spanky

PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2019 1:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

300 yards off Rockall

McCoy: Right boys just need to hop in the dinghy and go across to punch in the password for access
Bunsen: Access a rock, you're going to tell me you've hollowed out Rockall aren't you.
McCoy: No it wasn't me, from what all my archaelogists found it appears to be an ancient civilisation that did or aliens.
JawZ: They didn't figure out which.
McCoy: No they were all dead when the rescue team got to them so never did get to the bottom of it.
Bunsen: Hold up so that place is possibly being patrolled by some kind of alien monster or an ancient curse.
McCoy: Probably neither
JawZ: Probably......we're back to fast and loose again I see.
McCoy: Life is about risk, give it a rest.

Twenty minutes of paddling round in circles and McCoy has made it to Rockall.


A hatch opens on the side of the rock and McCoy climbs in.

Bunsen: I'm telling you if he screams or begs for help I'm heading back to shore.
JawZ: You won't need to, I'll be way ahead of you.

15 minutes pass and McCoy appears at the hatch with a holdall and a bandage round his head. He slowly makes his way back to the boat.

McCoy: Never guess what
JawZ: There was a pissed of alien in there.
McCoy: Yeah, surprised the hell out of me. I mean that place should have two dozen people in there and the blighter killed them all.
Bunsen: Just as well you got him then.
McCoy: Got him! oh no old chum I got what I needed and buggared off sharpish, it's still in there screaming about the place.
JawZ: Uhm skipper it's just opened the hatch.
McCoy: Let's get out of here boys.
Bunsen: But it's going to escape, we can't let it.
McCoy: Believe me lads you don't want to argue with it.

*JawZ dives into the water and engages the alien in aquatic combat*

McCoy: He hasn't had his Red Bull yet has he?

Will JawZ triumph over the alien
Will McCoy reveal the contents of his holdall
Will Bunsen leave JawZ and claim his 1bn

Find out at least one of those in the next oceantastic episode of The Adventures of Spanky McCoy former Knight of the realm.
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Spray Shop
Spray Shop

Joined: 27 May 2008
Posts: 313
Location: St Monans

PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2019 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mostly to be found in Forza Horizon 4 now.
Spanky_McCoy wrote:
He's the "I can't Believe it's not evil" of my organisation 60% less saturated evil than the next brand.
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